Wednesday
16th Mar

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If you’ve been living under a rock or are, inexplicably, a heterosexual, then you might not yet know that the new Britney Spears album leaked last week and that it is very listenable, although not quite as listenable as Blackout. It seems that Britney has been thinking a lot about the phallus lately, because it makes a sneaky appearance in almost all of the tracks. Some of these shout outs may be missed by the untrained ear, but luckily I’m on hand with a track-by-track countdown of the most blatant penis gags that Spears has to offer.

Joint 12th, 11th and 10th place: ‘Trouble for Me’, ‘Trip to Your Heart’, ‘Gasoline’.

Britney manages to refrain from singing about willies in any of these songs. This means that there is a whole ten minutes and one seconds of Femme Fatale without a crude nod to the place we all began as a teeny tiny tadpole. Disappointing.

9th place: ‘Inside Out’

During this track, Britney discusses a lover who knows her “inside and out”. As if that wasn’t filthy enough, Britney makes her intentions clear, proclaiming: “Even though we couldn’t last forever, you know what I want right now.” Well, if you can’t work out what it is that she wants, I will have to tell you. She wants the lover to put his penis in her vagina. Right now. Dirty cow.

8th place: ‘Till the World Ends’

You could be forgiven for thinking that Britney is speaking literally when she says “Let me blow your mind tonight” but let me warn you that the little minx is not. You are fully aware that everyone says that men think with their cocks, so when she says she wants to blow your mind she is really telling you that she would actually like to blow you. Filth.

7th place: ‘Seal it With a Kiss’

Same as before, except this time she uses some handy Biblical symbolism. “In the shadows where it’s hot, you’re the risk of getting caught. Wanna taste forbidden fruit and seal it with a kiss.” The “forbidden fruit” here is clearly not Eve’s apple that the story of Garden of Eden referred to, but a man’s love instrument. “Seal it with a kiss”? Seal it with some sucking more like!

6th place: ‘Hold it Against Me’

Now, this song is FULL of penis related innuendo that the more innocent listener may not have caught. Firstly, the hook line of “If you said I want your body now, would you hold it against me?” may sound inoffensive enough but what do you think he will be rubbing against poor Brit-Brit when he holds himself against her? Maybe we shouldn’t feel sorry for her. Maybe the “it” she wants held against her is not his body after all, but just the unsuspecting bloke’s tallywacker. This image takes a further sinister turn later in the song when Britney sings: “There’s a spark in between us when we’re dancing on the floor. I want more. Wanna see it. So I’m asking you tonight.”

We were wrong to blame the man for the dick rubbing. Britney is clearly encouraging it. “A spark in between us” that she wants to see? A spark, indeed! Never heard that one before. Yes, Britney’s dishonest intentions are truly revealed by the middle eight, with her begging like a whore on crack: “Give me something good. Don’t wanna wait. I want it now!” Calm down, dear!

5th place: ‘I Wanna Go’

There is no surprise as to where Ms. Spears wants to go. With the line, “I’ve been told who I should do it with, to keep both my hands above the blanket when the light’s out” Britney explores the difficult issue of how to give a handjob when your arms are not under the duvet. The simple advice regarding this issue is to not really bother; handjobs are much better when the hand is under the covers. That is unless the willy is out of the covers, in which case disregard everything I just said.

4th place: ‘How I Roll’

Well, by the time we get to this song, we are fully aware of how Britney likes to roll. Regardless, she fills us in, at one point dropping the F-bomb and muttering “You can be my fuck tonight. We can tear it up tonight.” Someone needs to tell the ex-Mouseketeer that vaginal or anal tearing is no laughing matter.

3rd place: ‘Big Fat Bass’

As if it wasn’t ominous enough that this song featured will.i.am, whose name actually includes the sound “willy”, it would seem that the titular ‘Big Fat Bass’ does not actually refer to a bass at all. Shockingly, the bass, which Britney assures us repeatedly and almost dementedly “IS GETTING BIGGER!” seems to refer to a gentleman’s schlong, one we would assume could be described as a grower, not a shower. Whether the impressive manhood in question belongs to will.i.am himself remains to be confirmed, but one thing is for sure: Britney Spears’ treble is not a pretty sight.

2nd place: ‘(Drop Dead) Beautiful’

‘(Drop Dead) Beautiful’ is a rather obvious play on the common phrase “drop dead gorgeous”. Luckily for us, in the lyrics there are also some rather obvious mentions of penises. Britney tells her lover (presumably a different one from earlier, otherwise this would just get rather tedious) that he must be “B-I-G because” he has her “hypnotised”. This is a clear comment on the massive nature of his wang and not, as you may be led to believe, a clever and witty reference to the work Biggie Smalls (RIP WE WILL NOT FORGET etc).

This is confirmed when shortly afterwards she exclaims, “What I’m looking at right now would make a big girl cry.” Why would the Notorious B.I.G. make a big girl cry, you ask? He wouldn’t. He was quite nice, apparently. Ask P. Diddy. Obviously, the penis in Britney’s eyeline is pupil watering gigantic.

Finally, featured “rapper” Sabi (who?) perhaps gives the most blatant shout out to the most useful part of the male anatomy when she confesses, “I don’t need your money. I just want your D.” Charming.

1st place: ‘Criminal’

“He is a sucker with a gun.”

Source: Ohh


Wednesday
16th Mar

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We all know that Britney Spears’ Femme Fatale has found its inevitable way to her fans’ ears before its official release date, though we had no idea we would get to listen to the whole thing this early. Instead of posting a formal review, however, we’ve decided to wade through the 12 tracks on Britney’s latest LP and offer you a numerical experience with which to enjoy the album. (FYI, expect the numbers to change when we finally hear the additional four songs included in the deluxe edition.) 1, 2, 3, Peter Paul and Mary, jump below for Femme Fatale – By The Numbers!

Britney Spears Femme Fatale By The Numbers:

Number of songs that are about Britney hooking up with a stranger at a club: 6 (“Hold It Against Me”, “Seal It With A Kiss”, “Till The World Ends”, “How I Roll”, “Big Fat Bass,“(Drop Dead) Beautiful”)

Number of songs about Britney hooking up with someone she already knows: 6 (“Inside Out”, “I Wanna Go”, “Trip To Your Heart”, “Trouble for Me”, “Gasoline”, “Criminal”)

Number of songs not about Britney hooking up: Zero

Number of cat references: 2 (”This kitten got your tongue tied in knots…” from “Till The World Ends”, and “Got nine lives like a kitty cat” in “How I Roll”)

Number of dog references: 1 (”He’s a dog astray” from “Criminal”)

Number of references to “the floor”: 4 (”Till The World Ends”; “Big Fat Bass”; “Gasoline”; “on the dancefloor” in “Trouble For Me”)

Number of bad pick-up lines: 3 (”If I said I want your body now, would you hold it against me?” and “You feel like paradise, and I need a vacation tonight,” from “Hold It Against Me”, and “Your body looks so sick I think I caught the flu” from “(Drop Dead) Beautiful”)

Number of sly references to erect male genitalia: 2 (”It must be B-I-G because you got me hypnotized… Cause what I’m looking at right now would make a big girl cry” from “(Drop Dead) Beautiful”; the bass continuing to get bigger and bigger throughout “Big Fat Bass”)

Number of references to killing someone/death: 5 (the chorus of “(Drop Dead) Beautiful”; “Dying for company” (not to mention the apparent impending apocalypse) in “Till The World Ends”; “You set me on fire” refrain from “Gasoline”; “Hope to die” from “Seal It With A Kiss”; “He’s a killer just for fun” from “Criminal”)

Number of All About Eve quotes re-purposed to apply to hooking up: 1 (”Fasten up your seat belt, it’s gon’ be a bumpy ride” from “(Drop Dead) Beautiful”)

Number of different types of alcohol Britney drinks without a mixer: 2 (Tequila on the rocks in “How I Roll”; whiskey straight in “Trouble For Me”)

Number of times it sounds like Britney is having an orgasm: 2 (Very beginning of “How I Roll”; breakdown of “Gasoline”)

Vegetable shout-out: 1 (”Steaming like a pot full of vegetables” in Sabi’s rap in “(Drop Dead) Beautiful”)

Fruit shout-out: 1 (”Wanna taste forbidden fruit” in “Seal It With A Kiss”)

Number of songs mentioning Britney flying/changing altitude: 3 (”Trip To Your Heart”, “Big Fat Bass”, “How I Roll”)

Number of songs addressing the DJ directly: 2 (”Till The World Ends”, “Big Fat Bass”)

Number of times sex/love is referred to as a trip/vacation: 2 (The chorus of “Trip To Your Heart”; “You feel like paradise, and I need a vacation tonight” in “Hold It Against Me”)

Amount of dubstep: A lot

Number of Britney fragrance shout-outs: 1 (”Your body feels like fantasy” in “Trip To Your Heart”)

Number of references to past Britney songs in the chorus of “Inside Out”: 2 (”…Baby One More Time” and “(Drive Me) Crazy”, which also makes an appearance in a lyric from “Trouble For Me”)

Number of times a G-rated word is made to sound like a much dirtier word: 2 (”You can be my thug tonight” and “Go downtown where my posse’s at” in “How I Roll”. How “If You Seek Amy” of Brit & Co.!)

Average amount of times we’ve listened to this album since Friday: About five trillion.

We know each and every one of you loyal Britney fans are waiting patiently until the album is officially released to legally procure it for your various music-playing devices — but if you’ve heard Femme Fatale’s 12 tracks on assorted Internet sites, what are your thoughts? Better than Blackout? Or is it impossible to pit genius against genius?

Source: idolator


Wednesday
16th Mar

He About To Lose Me (Snippet) – BRITNEYBOARDS.ORG EXCLUSIVE by britneyboardsdotorg

Up ‘N’ Down (Snippet) – BRITNEYBOARDS.ORG EXCLUSIVE by britneyboardsdotorg

Don’t Keep Me Waiting (Snippet) – BRITNEYBOARDS.ORG EXCLUSIVE by britneyboardsdotorg


Tuesday
15th Mar

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Simon Cowell Is Planning Japan Relief Single With Justin Bieber, Britney Spears, Katy Perry, Cher Lloyd, and more.

The pop music community has started to mobilize in the wake of the tragedy of Japan’s devastating earthquake and tsunami. Simon Cowell announced via Twitter yesterday that he is putting together a Japan relief single that will include contributions from Justin Bieber, Britney Spears, and Katy Perry. This morning he added more names including Jessie J and X Factor alumni JLS, Olly Murs, One Direction, and Cher Lloyd. In the wake of last year’s Haiti earthquake, Simon Cowell spearheaded the charity single “Everybody Hurts” which sold nearly 500,000 copies in its first week of release.

Source

ource

Tuesday
15th Mar

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Video premiere for “Till The World Ends” is scheduled for April 6th!

She is also set to grace the June issue of Harper’s Bazaar!

Ellen skits are set to air on March 28th/29th with a performance on The Ellen Show March 30th!

March 29th will be the GMA performances along with “Britney Day” on all MTV Channels!

On April 2nd she is set for something on Kid’s Choice Awards but no details if it is a performance or just an appearance/presenter.

The Deluxe version of Femme Fatale will include 4 bonus tracks, possibly a 5th bonus hidden track, gold foil wrap, and extra photos!

Source

*Their twitter says their source is from sony, but who knows.

Update : AAAAAH I THINK IT’S TRUE  MUUMUSE just confirmed it too.

Plus they added this to their original post – > Here it is, a screen cap of an updated(3/15) new release sheet from Sony which happens to tell us some exciting bits about Queen BritBrit. You’ll have to click the image to enlarge and read the red text. I highlighted the UPC numbers to point out that when you pick up your physical releases of Femme Fatale come March 29th, please feel free to match up the UPC codes to those listed above. They WILL match. OFFICIAL. Thank You.

Update from MuuMus
e – EDIT: Whoops! My source got the Monday’s mixed up: Britney will most likely be taping both the skit and performance on Monday the 28th, not Monday the 21st. This sounds more accurate…I’ll have solid confirmation on that filming date shortly!


Monday
14th Mar

She already has two adorable little boys under the age of five. But with another serious relationship comes the possibility of some new additions for Britney Spears, who looked as though she was getting broody again yesterday. The pop star, 29, was seen bouncing a bonny baby boy on her knee as she attended her son Sean Preston’s Little League baseball match. And it looked as though boyfriend Jason Trawick, 37 *39*, was also feeling paternal as they couple cooed and cuddled her friend’s son as they sat in the stands.

The couple have been dating for 18 months but Trawick, who is close to her sons, has no children of their own so he and Britney may be considering having a baby of their own The pair cheered on Sean as he played for his team Westhills Yankees, which is coached by his father Kevin Federline, who Britney was married to for three years* lol 2 years* and has another son, four-year-old Jayden. And luckily for Britney, there appeared to be no animosity between her ex-husband and Trawick as they ran into one another at the match. It was also the first time Britney has been photographed with Federline since they separated in 2006 * It was not, they were photographed together at an airport in France in 2009*.

Federline, 32, watched the game with girlfriend Victoria Prince, offering encouragement to the youngsters. He and Trawick, while not exactly friendly, seemed happy to greet one another. Trawick even approached Federline to offer his congratulations at the end of the game in Calabasas. Of course, this wasn’t their day, but Sean’s, who made the most of his chance to shine, showing his talent as he hit the ball, ran round the pitch and got into the spirit of the game. Showing he has inherited the confidence of his pop star mother, herself a child star, he ignored the cameras as he strutted around, enjoying the attention of his extended family.

Source


Monday
14th Mar

Selfish – Snippet by bmkdotcom


Monday
14th Mar

BRITNEY Spears thinks Justin Timberlake is still obsessed with her.

The Toxic hitmaker – who is currently dating Hollywood agent Jason Trawick – believes Justin’s split from girlfriend Jessica Biel may even be down to her.

“Britney thinks Justin has never got over her even though she has moved on from the girl she was back then,” reveals a source close to the singer.

“She still has feelings for him of course but she wonders if Justin has issues trying to recapture what they once had together.”

Source


Monday
14th Mar

FTS

Rolling Stone 4/5 stars

Britney Spears is pop music’s stealth avant-gardist. For years, critics have dismissed her as a cipher with a wisp of a voice. But from the minute she burst on the scene — heralded by the keyboard power chords of “. . . Baby One More Time” — her music has steered bubblegum into weirder, woollier territory. “Toxic” was a mélange of Bollywood and spy-movie guitar; “Piece of Me” was an essay on 21st-century tabloid infamy crooned over 22nd-century club rhythms. Then there’s this year’s “Hold It Against Me,” which dissolves into a furious dubstep breakdown — easily the most assaultive beat on the Hot 100 right now.

Femme Fatale may be Britney’s best album; certainly it’s her strangest. Conceptually it’s straightforward: a party record packed with sex and sadness. Max Martin and Dr. Luke, the world’s two biggest hitmakers, are responsible for seven of 12 songs: big melodies and bigger Eurodisco thumps. But other producers go nuts, tossing the kitchen sink at Britney. The Bloodshy-helmed “How I Roll” is sputtering, oddly beautiful techno. In “Big Fat Bass,” Will.i.am turns Britney into a cyborg obsessed with low-end. (“The bass is getting bigger!” she exults.) On nearly every track, Britney’s voice is twisted, shredded, processed, roboticized. Maybe this is because she doesn’t have much of a voice; it’s certainly because she, more than almost any other pop diva, is simply game. Femme fatale? Not so much. But say this for Britney: She’s an adventuress.

Culture Bully

Femme Fatale isn’t Britney Spears‘ “comeback” album, it’s not likely to stand as her best album and it’s not a “game-changing” collection of tracks, set to once again reshape her image to better blend in with the shifting pop cultural tide. That being the case, Femme Fetale is exactly what it needs to be. Like many of her contemporaries, Spears’ new release is built around songs constructed by Dr. Luke and Max Martin. Unlike with many of the records that have recently been released by these female “luminaries” working with the hitmakers however, there is a noticeably lack of pretense amongst Femme Fatale‘s tracks that allow them to breathe. The album isn’t a writing team and production crew’s soundtrack to a young vocalist’s romantic rehabilitation and it’s not a bloated collection of pop basics repackaged with an edge and sold as the face of nü-feminism. Femme Fatale is an album about celebrating the night: music for and about the clubs and the intimate aftermath that follows.

The stadium-sized party anthem “Till the World Ends” and dubstep inspired “Hold It Against Me” each set an immediate standard for the energy level which continues throughout the album. Not unlike the release’s honest motivation, circumventing a potentially questionable back story to sell the record, Femme Fatale often spits in the face of contemporaries whose platforms are guided by pretentious claims of working without vocal enhancement while clearly leaning heavily on pitch shifting. The Ke$ha-penned “Till the World Ends” goes so far as to stagger vocal breaks to help build momentum through to the chorus, using the technique not to correct Spears’ voice, but to accentuate the fade leading into a momentous boom. The song was made to kill in the club and will no doubt continue to do so for years to come.

“Inside Out” teases Matrix-like digital static while vocally invoking a bit of Aaliyah and “I Wanna Go” blends a pulsating beat with an infectious whistling sample which could just as easily have been the basis for an ABBA hit some 30 years ago. “How I Roll” takes a relaxed pace in working bubbling (literally) production under a melody that at times sounds suspiciously similar to Rihanna’s “Disturbia” while adding a fading drawl to Spears’ sugary vocals (“Speakerrrrrrrrrrr”). The hard-snapping “(Drop Dead) Beautiful” settles into place as momentum begins to stall, L.A. rapper Sabi then stepping in for a few forgettable bars: “Got me kinda hot but I ain’t sweatin’ you/Stir me like a pot of vegetables.” It might be valid if one were to complain about Femme Fatale being a bit top top-heavy; the most energetic songs are front-loaded and electricity slowly fades away as the album progresses. Considering the imbalance of momentum however, Femme Fatale still carries on remarkably well throughout the entire release.

“Seal It With a Kiss” is as corny as track as the album has, but it maintains an upbeat rhythm which carries into “Big Fat Bass.” One’s appreciation of “BFB” will largely depend on how you feel about will.i.am, who wrote, produced and performed on the song. To me personally, at this point in time the man’s career is nothing but one giant ongoing karmic joke, his ever-increasingly popularity serving as some sort of reminder to talented (yet unknown and struggling) musicians everywhere of their apparent misdeeds committed in past lives. All things considered however, it’s likely as tolerable as a post-Fergie will.i.am track is going to get.

The revving electronics of “Trouble For Me” eventually wind into “Trip to Your Heart”; built on a base of classic house synth, the track utilizes tender vocals which are initially hard to stomach, though the gentle nature of the song goes a long ways in diluting their acidic concentration. “Gasoline” works unremarkable lyrics (“My heart only runs on supreme/So hot, give me your gasoline”) around the album’s final energetic track before a flute (!) floats into a thick bass punch in “Criminal.” The track continues as an acoustic guitar accompanies Spears while she moans, “Mama I’m in love with a criminal/And this type of love isn’t rational—it’s physical.” The unpredictable twist in pace and tone add a refreshing conclusion to the otherwise boisterous collection of songs.

Though lyrical depth and well-crafted production haven’t exactly been mainstays of Britney Spears’ lengthy musical career, her albums haven’t exactly been the most consistent pieces of modern pop music either. With Femme Fatale the former is clearly of little consideration—there is no claim made toward any real meaning to the music and, “Criminal” included, the vocals largely serve as simply another instrument: Spears’ purpose on the album is to sound good with the music that surrounds her. But it’s the music that surrounds her that sets Femme Fatale apart from many of the singer’s past recordings. Though not entirely consistent, it is steady in delivering track after musically relevant track of delightfully vibrant music which pleasantly complements Spears’ contributions. Once again, the album is exactly what it needed to be; which is simply to say that Femme Fatale might actually be worthy of its mighty hype.


Monday
14th Mar

Britney – Scary [demo] ??? by Richard_morais



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